Bipolar

It’s official. For a few weeks now, but I’ve been trying to get someone to figure out what drugs I need. So far, 300 mgs of lithium. Can’t start taking it till my CNP gets the results of my blood test. Till then, I’ve lorazepem to keep me calm and control the insomnia, but it doesn’t help too much. Not since the first night. It knocked me on my ass in an hour. The next night . . . not so much. I knew what to expect, and I fought off the drowsiness and stayed up for another three hours.

Slow at work today, so I left early. Was suddenly just massively tired and depressed. Yesterday I was so energized and up. But today. . . .

I took my lorazepem just before I got home and slept for six hours. Watching Olbermann and Maddow, then popping another and sleeping till morning. I’m just tired and sluggish. Can’t seem to get in gear since I got outta bed this morning. From the week before (despite getting suspended from work for four days, for insubordination) I was so UP. Ideas, writing, everything. I didn’t need sleep. Sleep was for the weak and insipid. Now, I just wanna close my eyes and never wake up. Just tired.

I keep meaning to blog more, to keep up with blogs I like, but I’m either HIGH! and can’t focus, or low, and simply don’t care about anything. I think that’ where I am right now because even typing is physically exhausting me.

Meh.